Part #1 of 3

Men, and women, alike are likely to reach mid-life and feel lonely or isolated. Whether they admit it or not most adults, out of the phases of school/college, late 20’s, early marrieds, and the busy-ness of child-rearing, are looking for a friend. Especially if they don’t live near family or the town they grew up in.

The thing about new adult friendships is that they are not based on history. They are based on genuinely liking a person and sharing some things in common in order to bring them into the friend zone.

With the world so dependent on the internet and social media these days it is hard for adults to even meet each other. A lot of work is being done from home. Church can be attended at home; and workouts are on Youtube. Texting has taken the place of real face to face conversations. Even dating has changed to a swipe right.

How do we find someone we want to be friends with? And once we do, how do we go about making the first move. In this three part blog series we will discuss these and other issues surrounding adult friendships: why we need/want friends 2) Some issues surrounding making friends 3) where and how to meet these new friends of ours.

I’m sure my story has relatable parts: I am 53 and my experience of making friends has been somewhat challenging. My parents were missionaries and we lived at a missionary training center. Kids my age came and went rather frequently so I learned not to get attached. I did go to public school and I had friends at school but my parents limited what I did after school, etc. I married an extremely controlling narcissistic man when I was 18 and that was the end of friends for me. I was not allowed to have friends. When I had our handicapped son that isolated me even more. I pushed to join a MOPS (mothers of preschoolers) group, but it was very much like my school days. I could have friends there but not do anything with them outside of the group. When I pushed to join a book club, I do believe that was the beginning of the end for my marriage, but the beginning of a realization by me of what I needed in my life in that moment, and still to this day. Connection (and books). Whether your details are similar or are different, for some reason maybe you too have reached mid-life and yearn for more friendships (for my current friends reading this, I value you deeply).

Why is connection so important? Why do we need to be a part of something bigger than ourselves? What do friendships do for the individuals? These are questions that anyone who is feeling lonely when they are not alone could answer.

Connection is a bond between two people where each feels seen and heard. It requires vulnerability and acceptance.

According to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, food, water, and safety, are closely followed by love and belonging. In other words, connection is as important as the basics that keep us alive.

Connecting and bonding over commonalities is good for your health. It can lead to joy and lower blood pressure. Your stress level is lower if you have a friend. It may sound very grade-school to be wanting to make friends; however, friends can increase your empathy and your longevity. They can influence your creativity and broaden your outlook.

The Oxford Dictionary defines friend as: a person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of sexual or family relations.

This is someone you want to be around and share things with. Friendship is a mutual admiration society. It warms your soul and makes you giddy at times. It isn’t fleeting and it can stand some hard knocks.

(Do not be disheartened if you find yourself friendless or with mere acquaintances or just work buddies. We will be discussing ways to acquire friends in the 3rd part of this series.)

Feel free to email me if you need a friend. : ) joannabfrn@hotmail.com or forthenursessoul@outlook.com and be sure to sign up for the newsletter.