Are you on the holiday should list?
What is it about this time of year that makes people, women in general, start to attack an imaginary list of things they should be doing? We should all over ourselves.
In a time when being grateful and hopeful; and enjoying the weather and friends and family is the purpose of the season, we are more concerned with checking things off of a list that outside influences have said we ought.
We all have basic needs. These are internal; things with which everyone is hardwired. We all have wants. These are also internal; they differ from person to person. Dreams and hopes, fears, and doubts are born out of these internal needs and wants.
Should’s are from an external force. More often than not, you and I make them internal and get them all mixed up with our needs and wants. After all, we are wired to want connection and if following the should’s makes that happen then we do it. Should’s come from feeling like we will disappoint someone else if we don’t do what they say. They come from a negative space.
Think about your self-talk. “I should get out of bed.” “I should make something healthy for breakfast.” “I should have done this or that…” “I should get that for her.” “I should stop doing this or that….” “I should get my FNP because everyone says I should.” “I should go to that thing.” You get the point. It’s all negative and it’s pressure from some external idea that we have internalized.
Nurse, you do it all the time at work. How often do you sign up for a shift because you should. How often do you do something you don’t want or need to do? What external forces are making decisions for you.
The next time you say should to yourself, stop. Do you think you need to do whatever it is? Do you want to do whatever it is? Change the narrative in your mind. If the whatever it is, only affects you, maybe you can not do it if you don’t need or want to. Maybe you can just change the word in your mind and see how much better it feels coming from an internal positive space instead of an external negative one.
In this season of thanks-giving, maybe you can put down your should list and make a new Needs and Wants list. I guarantee if you are acting out of internal motivators you will feel better. You will be an example to those around you. You need love, safety, food/water; you want all of that and things that inspire your hopes and dreams. Should is nowhere in there.
Enjoy this season. Happy everything!!!