Have you ever been in a situation or relationship where the other person remains very consistent in their behavior and yet you keep believing in their potential and wanting what they are showing you to not be the truth? Have you ever thought “oh that can’t be right” or “that’s a one off” for the millionth time, excusing this or that going on; when in fact, it really is their true identity? It is who they are. It is how they are. No amount of wishing it to be different can make it so.

When someone tells (shows) you who they are, believe them.

This way of thinking can be applied to every possible relationship and scenario imaginable.

Politics: This has never been more true than it is now in this contentious political season in the United States. We know our two candidates for president. They have shown us who they are and we should believe them. We had four years of President Trump and we have had three and a half years with Vice-President Kamala Harris. They have taught us what to expect. They are not a mystery. Go forth and vote; choose wisely. When your options are limited, your perspective changes.

Relationships: if people act a certain way consistently or say the same things over and over, that is who they are. For example, if someone is always too busy, too tired, too unavailable, then they are telling you what you need to know. If they need you to do all the heavy lifting, the work, the taking care, then they are telling you what you need to know. If they are available, helpful, partners, fun, capable, then they are telling you what you need to know. When they show you who they are in the relationship and what they want, need, and will do, believe them.

Jobs/work: if an employer consistently leaves you short-staffed, underpaid, overworked, behind schedule, overwhelmed, then they are showing you who they are. If your job is fulfilling, and your employer keeps their word, motivates, teaches, pays, and praises you well, then they are showing you who they are. Employers and work environments are just like individual people. Believe them.

No matter how much you want to trust in someone’s potential, believe in the reality that they show up as every day. Day in and day out, who are they? Who are you? What are you consistently showing up as and making others believe about you?

Of course there are those who are up and down and all over the place and you never will figure out who they will show up as. That is usually substance abuse or some other mental illness at play; and even though, sporadic, you can believe it too. It shows you that you can’t trust in them, and if you do, it will be a wild ride.