It’s been a while since I blogged about nursing. To say that I am disenchanted with nursing would be an under-statement. But what am I most bothered by? Is it the organization I work for? Is it nursing, the profession? Or is it just me?

Let me start with it’s just me. I have become very upset with the staffing issues at my hospital. I am angry at the subpar care we give patients because of the lack of beds and staff. I am frustrated with the feeling of yelling into a void and feeling like I care too much.

Is it a change in the profession of nursing? At its core nursing hasn’t changed. We are educated and prepared to care for patients. Nursing has survived nursing shortages before. It has survived pandemics. So what is so different today? I believe it is that nurses have developed their collective voice and have used it in this millennium. Nurses are seen as heroes from outside the walls and yet being silenced within them as the issues arise.

This brings me to the organizations: the hospitals, clinics, outpatient healthcare- the money-machines. Because healthcare has been in the spotlight, some dirty little secrets in the industry have been illuminated and have grown immeasurably. Many organizations are using the pandemic as an excuse for bad behavior and practices. Organizations are much more COMFORTABLE WITH THEIR OLD PROBLEMS THAN WITH FINDING NEW SOLUTIONS. Bed shortages and staffing shortages are a very real and scary situation. Nationwide. If organizations would look at what is taking the beds and make changes to keep everyone safe. Make changes to elective surgery schedules instead of continuing to have 24/7 operating rooms. Go on divert and stop worrying about trauma leveling and work on not taking patients you don’t have staff for. Work on hiring and retaining. Maybe cut some fat from top-heavy organizations and put time/effort/money into the people that actually touch your patients. Maybe have those making decisions actually go down in the trenches and do the work that the initials behind their name say they are qualified to do. Just once a week, do the work you are making unsafe decisions about.

Will any change be made as we head into another dark tunnel of Covid19 spikes; trying to fill beds with the sickest, that are already filled with surgery and sick patients?

Of the three entities, the hospital, the profession, or me; the only one I have control over is me. IF I REMAIN BITTER I CANNOT BECOME BETTER. I have found that the old saying about bitterness being like swallowing poison in hopes to hurt the other is very true. Bitterness only makes me angry, hard, cold, and sick. Nurses are a bitter yet loyal group of people. Perhaps we need to become more aware that nursing is what we do, it is not what or who we are. We are whole people outside of work. Yes we can try to make change on behalf of ourselves and our patients, but we have to recognize that our organizations will take advantage of the loyalty and just overlook the cause of bitterness. We must take care of ourselves and do what is best for us. This I am saying to myself.

We have talked self-care to death this year. The whole world is on the self-care band wagon. Nurses can preach it as much as the next person and maybe even better and louder; after all, we are in the health industry. Do we practice it? Maybe. Maybe not.

I don’t have answers except to “let it go.” Do my best while at work and walk back out the door I came in and leave it there; behind that door, saying a prayer as I go. Be better not bitter.