The election is over.

It’s Thanksgiving week.

The weather is changing.

It’s officially “the holidays.”

Treats are everywhere; and bitterness is the flavor being served. They say that bitterness is like drinking poison in hopes that the other person/persons/situation dies. Holiday family get-togethers are the perfect time and place to serve up this poisonous and complex emotion. Bitterness is a lovely combination of anger, disgust, and disappointment; baked in an oven of resentment and served with a dusting of self-pity. You can fill up on it or have just a taste, but the effect is the same.

Anytime people get together or think about getting together, there is the possibly of disagreements and resentment. Impending family dinners and this political season have shown us this for sure. But everyday life can lead to bitterness too. Death, disease, divorce, and discourse lead to separation and resentment.

Resentment is the root of bitterness. It’s a very lonely thing. You can have so much negative energy about a situation, just swimming in your resentment, building up a soul’s worth of bitterness and the object of it all is blissfully unaware. If you rant, rave, or argue, they might be aware of your displeasure; but that is outright anger taking action. Resentment seethes, it stews. It slow bakes its thoughts and feelings until you only taste bitter when you think about that person or situation.

Whether talking about an election result or an unhealed family or friend issue, there are a couple of ways to acknowledge, accept, and move on without becoming resentful and bitter.

When something doesn’t go your way, do you react in anger? Do you always confront? Do you hold a grudge? OR Do you react with grace and show mercy? Do you react with love and kindness? What happens when you get criticized? Do you get angry and think the other person is full of sh*t? OR Do you say and think appreciation for the feedback?

First and foremost recognize that the one and the only thing that you are in control of in the whole world is your attitude/reaction. What you are full of is what will come out. If you are full of anger, then that is what comes out. If you are full of love, that is what will come out. It takes practice to stub your toe and not say “f**k!” but instead to say “wow, thank you for the opportunity to practice my patience.”

Secondly to avoid resentment that leads to being bitter, just realize that it’s OK to let the other person do whatever. “You do you, Boo.” Unless someone is actually causing harm or committing a crime, just let it go. If they want to lie. So what. If they want to fight. So what. If they want to gossip, criticize, do things without you, have fun, be miserable, take chances, do nothing, vote differently than you, go to a different church, not go to church, be gay… you get the picture. Just let them. It’s when you start trying to control someone else that you begin to resent their stances on issues. When you get offended by what they are doing or not doing, you begin to become resentful. “You do you, Boo” is very freeing. When you realize that your imagined control over a situation is not needed, you can settle down and enjoy other opinions, options, and situations.

And if you can’t do either one of those suggestions, then maybe you can just think about how grateful you are for something and/or someone during this Thanksgiving week. It’s hard to be bitter when you are feeling blessed.