Feel your shit, know your shit, but never lose your shit

It’s important as a nurse to be able to be in touch with your negative thoughts, to be aware of your inner struggles- to feel your shit. It’s important to be informed, educated, to understand what is happening and why-know your shit. Most importantly it is imperative that you not lose your shit, as in, having a spectacular melt-down at work.

A lot of us were taught as children to be tough at all times, that crying was for the weak and that “feelings” were not that important and were not discussed. That has carried over into our parenting, our relationships and our jobs as nurses. Whether male or female, we have been trained to not be offended by patients’ behavior, not take anything management does personally. If we get angry or question something then we are “out of line.”

We are definitely trained in the arena of healthcare and nursing. We have meetings and mandatory education out the whazoo, so we have no excuse for not knowing how to do our jobs. We bring our experiences (personal and employment) to our nursing jobs, which is real-world education. We are a highly specialized/educated group of people.

In the last few years the violence against healthcare staff has sky-rocketed. We actually have signs throughout the hospital that warn against violent behavior directed at any healthcare staff. It’s almost as if we now expect bad behavior from the very patients, and their families, for which we are caring. However, if a nurse were to become violent, either verbally or physically, they would be fired immediately and arrested, in most circumstances. Most of nurses’ outbursts are done amongst themselves at the nurses’ station or the break room. The need to decompress is a very real thing when taking care of very sick people, or rude people, or mean, or violent people. Remaining professional in the face of disrespect is a skill that nurses have honed.

So how can we feel our shit (feelings, thoughts-negative or positive, emotions); know our shit (education, experience, intuition) without losing our shit (blowing up, yelling, ranting, fighting, giving up)????

The move to recognize the importance of mental health is a great thing. Therapy is not taboo anymore and in fact most employers offer some sort of free therapy to their staff should they need it. Most employers are recognizing diversity and working on inclusion in their businesses. As a wellness proponent I believe that simply recognizing and acknowledging what it is you are feeling is the first step to doing something healthy about it.

It is more than OK to feel all the feels. Be in touch with yourself. Know what it is you are feeling and then have some tools in your emotional tool belt to help you deal with whatever that feeling is. For example: if you are angry, take a break, go for a walk, get a coffee, listen to music. If you are feeling sad, talk to someone, go outside, etc. Whatever it is, be aware and be honest about it to yourself.

Knowing your shit just comes with education and experience. Have you ever said someone “knows their shit” when thy demonstrated something new or have you felt like “I know some shit” when you have recalled something or taught something?

I think we all know what losing your shit looks like. As nurses we have gone from hero to zero in three years. We have been beat up physically and emotionally. Our profession has become about money and not about caring. Our patient population is a lot sicker, a lot more addicted, and a lot more impatient. Society today is about being “right” and needing instant gratification and that does not translate well in the medical community. Management of healthcare establishments is all about the Almighty dollar and that just doesn’t sit well with nurses who are trying to help people not worry about $$$. Nurses are doing more with less. We are tired and frustrated and that’s a combination leading to disaster when you attach personal and homelife issues.

So….how do we not lose our shit? Good question.

As a yoga instructor, I am supposed to tell you to just breathe. Step away and take deep breaths and then re-enter the situation. That is good advice but so hard to do in the moment when you are seeing red. The ultimate thing to do is to leave the situation permanently. If you are unhappy and angry every shift, then find a new job. There are so many nursing jobs out there.- inpatient, long-term care, inmate nursing, clinic, outpatient settings, surgery centers, school nurses, education,, infusion centers, etc. If a big move isn’t possible then maybe a different shift or unit. To protect you and your family and your patients you must make a change. Walk away, go outside, change patient assignments, take a course, talk therapy, medication, etc. The important part of this is to be able to recognize that you are about to blow and to make whatever modifications you need to to not lose your shit.

Feel. Know. Stay calm and carry (or move) on. You got this and it’s good for your nurse’s soul.