Vulnerable
I picked the word vulnerable as my word for 2023. I realized that I was setting myself up to find myself in situations that I would be aware of my need to be vulnerable and/or my vulnerability.
I recently took a trip to Jordan. What an amazing experience. It was one of those surreal experiences that you need a little while to process. My senses were all awakened during that week-long journey. The sights and smells, tastes and sounds made for a sensory experience like none other. It was humbling to be in such an ancient space and to receive the hospitality of such a beautiful culture. Crossing a wonder of the world off of my bucket list was indeed a thrill.
The last afternoon in Amman my friend and I decided to go to a Turkish Bath. Mind you, neither one of us had ever been to one and neither one of us knew exactly what it was but our guide made it sound wonderful so we went.
WOW!. It was indeed wonderful but in the most surprising ways. We were told to take our swimming suits and that that was what we would wear at the Bath. When we got there nobody spoke English, so through gestures we made our way to the changing room where a very helpful attendee made it apparent that our already wet swimming suits (from the Dead Sea that morning) would not work so we stripped down to our underwear and followed her into the “bath.” The bath was a big beautiful marble room with pillars and little rooms off of one side and a huge round stone table in the middle. We first used the steam room and then the hot tub, where they brought us hibiscus drinks. Then we went to the round table. We each had a woman assigned to us. With much gesturing it was apparent that I was supposed to take my bra off. I was then scrubbed to within an inch of my life, front and back, then showered, then more scrubbing, then a massage, then more scrubbing. All the attendees were laughing and talking the whole time, all the clients were in a similar state of undress and even the massage was done in a three sided room with no door so that the massager could talk to the other women while rubbing. My American modest white body conscious female brain kicked in for about three minutes at the start of the bath experience but when I shut it off and just allowed myself to experience the experience it turned out to be one of the most profound moments in the whole week. It was beautiful. I allowed myself to be vulnerable and to just be in that space as just another woman. No one was looking at me, we were all the same in that steamy room enjoying being administered to by another woman. We didn’t need to speak the same verbal language when the female language of touch, smiling, laughter, facial expressions, care-giving, pushing, and cleaning is universal. I came away from that Turkish Bath very clean and also very grateful. There is just something about the comradery among women. If we let our hair down and remember that we are all alike on some level, we can move mountains. Being nurtured by a complete stranger in such an intimate way right next to another stranger brought me to the realization that I am in my head way too much when it comes to body image, openness, pleasure, wellness, and vulnerability.
There were so many lessons for me wrapped up in that experience that I don’t think I’ve unpacked them all even yet. I think my biggest take away so far is to recognize that being open to new and different things; things I might not be good at, on the heart and soul level, is vulnerability and I need to do more of it. I can carry that into my nursing practice for sure. I don’t foresee any Turkish Bath type scenarios playing out at work, but the feeling of togetherness sure could be a thing at work. It sure could be.
