Holding Space
Our hearts and situations are so big that we can hold space for more than one feeling. This is never more evident than when I am working in hospice. There is beauty AND heartbreak; blessings AND regrets; there is sadness WITH joy; anticipation WITH fear; letting go AND holding on.
When I first met my husband I noticed how he would answer questions “Yes and No.” I wondered how can an answer be yes AND no. Does that mean sort of or kind of? No. It literally means Yes. AND. No. Situations and feelings can be more than one thing at the same time. Our hearts and our minds have enough space/capacity to hold both good with bad, positive with negative, and joy with sadness.
Many situations are sad and yet joy can be found in the midst. Many mornings only grief and loneliness greet you face to face and yet beyond the window is a sun that keeps coming up and a clean slate day to walk into that will have ups AND downs.
A gratitude practice can help one to become aware of the different emotions existing at the same time. If you look back over a day trying to find something to be grateful for, you will find it. If you end a day thinking the whole thing was bad and that your life sucks. Then it was and it does. However, as you hold that feeling that your day was horrible you may also be able to see that one thing that happened that wasn’t so horrible. Maybe it was just something small like the fact that your sandwich at lunch was really pretty good. There it is: good with the bad.
Give yourself permission to feel and think about the other side of the coin. Name it. Allow yourself to recognize that it is OK to be feeling joy in the midst of pain.
How many of us found something to enjoy in lockdown during the pandemic? How many times have you been feeling bad about something when a child pointed out a simple pleasure in it?
Holding space for more than one emotion at the same time does not mean putting on rose colored glasses and ignoring the bad. It is acknowledging that yes this sucks AND it has beauty. Yes I hurt AND I see that rainbow. Yes I miss my Dad AND what a great life we had together.
Yes/No. Good/bad. Negative/Positive. Sad/Joyful. Horrible/Blessing. Angry/forgiven. Hate/Love……For what are you holding space?